ohhh Baby...

I would say I'm a pretty organised person, I like the house to be tidy and clean (especially when we have guests), my bag needs to be organised with only things in that I need, I love to plan and get excited about events/ holidays coming up - heck I started planning Christmas in January!..But since having a baby my whole world has been turned upside down. In the best way of course. I LOVE playing with my baby, cuddling him, singing and dancing to him (he thinks I'm the best dancer and singer in the world hehe), i love making him laugh, making him feel better when he's sad, hurt or unwell and just the whole journey of motherhood. Yet when it comes to everything else in my world, I just can't seem to get my head around it, even after 10 whole months. Our bedroom is so cluttered and disorganised, my nappy bag has been hit by a bomb and I am just thee worst time keeper ever - I still haven't got my head around the fact that it's like a military operation trying to get out of the house with a baby.

No one ever tells you these parts of having a baby. They tell you what to feed them and when to feed them, How to settle them, how to get them in good routines, they tell you the whole journey of weaning and to not take in to much salt and sugar, what games to play with them and not let them watch too much tv etc. but they don't tell you that when you have to stop breastfeeding wayy earlier than planned because your baby prefers the bottle, that it makes you feel like the worlds worst Mummy. They don't tell you that you will feel this unbelievable bond with your baby that when someone even looks at him you think your baby might love them more than you or that they might drop him (even if they are older and have plenty of experience). They don't tell you that it's actually thee hardest thing to have to share your baby because you don't want to miss a single second of his life or, that when other people hold him, and he cries his poor heart out, you don't want to just leave him to get used to people because it's killing you inside because you know all he wants is his Mama! They don't tell you that even if you have your baby in the best routines that your baby will STILL wake up in the night or actually worse 5AM!! They don't tell you that having to balance your time between your baby and your Husband is the hardest thing ever or that you feel like your head will explode with the amount of pressure you will feel because you feel like you have to live up to everyone else's ideas of the perfect Mummy and prove to the world that you can look after this tiny, fragile little being.
It's definatley true what they say.. being a Mummy is the hardest yet most amazing job you will ever have!!
These past 10 months I have felt like the most craziest person ever because of the amount of love I have for my baby. I often think how amazing it would be to have a telletubby belly where I can protect him always and keep him safe from everything and everyone and people can just look and wave at him through a window - crazy right?! You don't even know the half of it! So many times I create crazy scenarios in my head of him being stolen, losing my grip on the pram on a busy road or him falling off the side in the kitchen when I never even sit him on the side!
Buttttttt, after all this craziness that runs through my head CONSTANTLY, these past 10 months have definatley been the best 10 months ever!! I LOVE watching Benjamin grow up and see his little personality shine through - he is the cheekiest boy ever! I love watching him learn new things every day. He now crawls everywhereeeeeeeeeeee, he literally never stops moving unless he's tired or fast asleep (even in his sleep he's a little wriggle bum though), he walks around the house in his little walker - when the living room door opens he runs over to the door with a big cheeky grin on his face as if to say "freeeedddoommm" haha! He has 6 little teeth now and absolutley loves FOOD! Anything that is edible he will just devour as if he's never fed.. actually he will try and eat anything, (definatley his Daddy's son when it comes to that). He says "Dadda" and now finallllllllllyyyy he says "Mama" (I don't think he knows what they mean like but he still says them yayy!) and I'm pretty sure he's saying "hiya." I love taking him to baby groups and seeing him make new friends and loving all the songs we sing, he loves the hello song and peepo with a big parachute or piece of lycra. He lifts it up to play again and again and I love it. When older Children are around, no matter who they are or what they look like, he thinks they are the most amazing things on this planet and anything they do is just hilarious! I love hearing his laugh, he is just so happy and will laugh like he can't breathe all the time. His new best friend is our dog Sascha, he loves her! He will cuddle her, stroke her and he recently learnt that if he holds food out for her then she will take it from him and he is so made up with himself for that! She licks his hand and he laughs his head off, it's so cute! Benjamin is out like a light when we sing "Benji's tired" to him whilst he's cuddling his blankie and his new fave toy Mr Lamby and sucking his little dodie and cuddling up to either me or Maff so tightly. When he comes into our bed at 4 and will let us sleep for an extra couple of hours (which isn't very often anymore), he either turns to me and puts his hands on my face or he spots his Daddy and shuffles over to him to cuddle him.

I feel so proud of him every single day. In these little moments I am in complete heaven. It's in these moments that I forget about the hard times of motherhood and just wish that time would stand still. He brightens our lives up and the lives of everyone he meets so much you can't help but just feel so happy when your with him. He makes me feel like I'm the best Mummy for him and he makes me feel so unbelievably loved. I'm slowly getting my head around this crazy journey of motherhood and you know what, as hard as it is sometimes I am loving every single second of it. So what the house is a mess, so what we're a bit late for something or we're having a lazy pyjama day, so what if sometimes the only thing that will settle him is the tv, Benjamin is so happy and so loved and he knows that and that's all that matters! <3 

Just a few of my favourite pictures... <3