"It's a love story and baby I said YES..."

I would say I'm a pretty organised person, I like the house to be tidy and clean (especially when we have guests), my bag needs to be organised with only things in that I need, I love to plan and get excited about events/ holidays coming up - heck I started planning Christmas in January!..But since having a baby my whole world has been turned upside down. In the best way of course. I LOVE playing with my baby, cuddling him, singing and dancing to him (he thinks I'm the best dancer and singer in the world hehe), i love making him laugh, making him feel better when he's sad, hurt or unwell and just the whole journey of motherhood. Yet when it comes to everything else in my world, I just can't seem to get my head around it, even after 10 whole months. Our bedroom is so cluttered and disorganised, my nappy bag has been hit by a bomb and I am just thee worst time keeper ever - I still haven't got my head around the fact that it's like a military operation trying to get out of the house with a baby.

No one ever tells you these parts of having a baby. They tell you what to feed them and when to feed them, How to settle them, how to get them in good routines, they tell you the whole journey of weaning and to not take in to much salt and sugar, what games to play with them and not let them watch too much tv etc. but they don't tell you that when you have to stop breastfeeding wayy earlier than planned because your baby prefers the bottle, that it makes you feel like the worlds worst Mummy. They don't tell you that you will feel this unbelievable bond with your baby that when someone even looks at him you think your baby might love them more than you or that they might drop him (even if they are older and have plenty of experience). They don't tell you that it's actually thee hardest thing to have to share your baby because you don't want to miss a single second of his life or, that when other people hold him, and he cries his poor heart out, you don't want to just leave him to get used to people because it's killing you inside because you know all he wants is his Mama! They don't tell you that even if you have your baby in the best routines that your baby will STILL wake up in the night or actually worse 5AM!! They don't tell you that having to balance your time between your baby and your Husband is the hardest thing ever or that you feel like your head will explode with the amount of pressure you will feel because you feel like you have to live up to everyone else's ideas of the perfect Mummy and prove to the world that you can look after this tiny, fragile little being.
It's definatley true what they say.. being a Mummy is the hardest yet most amazing job you will ever have!!
These past 10 months I have felt like the most craziest person ever because of the amount of love I have for my baby. I often think how amazing it would be to have a telletubby belly where I can protect him always and keep him safe from everything and everyone and people can just look and wave at him through a window - crazy right?! You don't even know the half of it! So many times I create crazy scenarios in my head of him being stolen, losing my grip on the pram on a busy road or him falling off the side in the kitchen when I never even sit him on the side!

Buttttttt, after all this craziness that runs through my head CONSTANTLY, these past 10 months have definatley been the best 10 months ever!! I LOVE watching Benjamin grow up and see his little personality shine through - he is the cheekiest boy ever! I love watching him learn new things every day. He now crawls everywhereeeeeeeeeeee, he literally never stops moving unless he's tired or fast asleep (even in his sleep he's a little wriggle bum though), he walks around the house in his little walker - when the living room door opens he runs over to the door with a big cheeky grin on his face as if to say "freeeedddoommm" haha! He has 6 little teeth now and absolutley loves FOOD! Anything that is edible he will just devour as if he's never fed.. actually he will try and eat anything, (definatley his Daddy's son when it comes to that). He says "Dadda" and now finallllllllllyyyy he says "Mama" (I don't think he knows what they mean like but he still says them yayy!) and I'm pretty sure he's saying "hiya." I love taking him to baby groups and seeing him make new friends and loving all the songs we sing, he loves the hello song and peepo with a big parachute or piece of lycra. He lifts it up to play again and again and I love it. When older Children are around, no matter who they are or what they look like, he thinks they are the most amazing things on this planet and anything they do is just hilarious! I love hearing his laugh, he is just so happy and will laugh like he can't breathe all the time. His new best friend is our dog Sascha, he loves her! He will cuddle her, stroke her and he recently learnt that if he holds food out for her then she will take it from him and he is so made up with himself for that! She licks his hand and he laughs his head off, it's so cute! Benjamin is out like a light when we sing "Benji's tired" to him whilst he's cuddling his blankie and his new fave toy Mr Lamby and sucking his little dodie and cuddling up to either me or Maff so tightly. When he comes into our bed at 4 and will let us sleep for an extra couple of hours (which isn't very often anymore), he either turns to me and puts his hands on my face or he spots his Daddy and shuffles over to him to cuddle him.

I feel so proud of him every single day. In these little moments I am in complete heaven. It's in these moments that I forget about the hard times of motherhood and just wish that time would stand still. He brightens our lives up and the lives of everyone he meets so much you can't help but just feel so happy when your with him. He makes me feel like I'm the best Mummy for him and he makes me feel so unbelievably loved. I'm slowly getting my head around this crazy journey of motherhood and you know what, as hard as it is sometimes I am loving every single second of it. So what the house is a mess, so what we're a bit late for something or we're having a lazy pyjama day, so what if sometimes the only thing that will settle him is the tv, Benjamin is so happy and so loved and he knows that and that's all that matters! <3

Just a few of my favourite pictures... <3

So I have actually been thee WORST blogger recently, I feel like the whole summer has absolutely flown by and so it's been hard to remember to write little posts especially when I've felt exhausted during the last few weeks of pregnancy. BUT I have the most amazing thing to start up writing my blog again as on the 2nd September 2014 at 9.46pm we welcomed the third member of our family into the world.. Yep he's here, our little baby bunny bear, Benjamin Joseph Mansfield weighing a cute, tiny 6lb 11oz!!!
I actually feel like filling up with tears right now as I write this because I still cannot believe that he's finally here and that Maff and I have created this most gorgeous, precious little man! He really is amazing and I feel so blessed and happy that I am his Mummy!
So my birth story is pretty crazy and I'm still totally trying to get my head round the fact that I actually did it and how it all happened. The whole of my pregnancy I had braxton hicks and so I really thought that he would arrive super early! Buttt he didn't, a couple of weeks before he came I felt soooooooo rough!! I actually lost 3 and 1/2 pound one week because I just felt so sick and tired but still no sign of him. The WEEK before I really thought that was it, I was getting pains all through the nights and they were pretty bad but they weren't regular and wouldn't be as bad at all in the daytime. It was the most frustrating thing, having the pains in the night and waking up the next morning still not having our baby! I just felt so worried that I actually wouldn't know that I was in labor and so would have to have him at home or worse IN THE CAR-yikes! But the 2nd of September arrived and I had my check up with the midwife, I was sooooooo gutted because I really didn't want to have to go to this appointment, I JUST WANTED MY BABY HERE!!!! I felt totally fine in myself, just fed up. The baby hadn't wriggled as much as usual that morning (usually he wakes me up at the crack of dawn wriggling around the little monkey) so I told her that, she said to go home and have a cold drink and lie on my side (I knew she would say that, blah) but then she checked my blood pressure and it was through the roof! She quickly got me on the bed to check the baby as I'd told her that I hadn't felt as much wriggling so she checked his heartbeat and he was still perfect just having a sleepy morning. But because they can't take any chances with high blood pressure so late in pregnancy, the midwife sent me to the day unit at Rochdale Infirmary just to keep an eye on me. I. Was. Terrified. I wanted to be in hospital having my baby but I didn't want to go in because there was something wrong with me!! We headed to Rochdale and they put monitors on my belly to keep an eye on the baby who was now wriggling away, the little monkey! And they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine which kept check my blood pressure every 15 mins. They were going to keep me there for a couple of hours to see if it would reduce but it was actually getting worse and soooooo crazy!! I was shaking like mad so that probably didn't help being so unbelievably scared but I just couldn't calm down no matter how hard I tried. Because it was so crazy they ended up sending us to Oldham hospital in an AMBULANCE!!!! (Oldham hospital is where the maternity unit is so I knew this was it!) they wheeled me out in a wheelchair, it just felt wrong because I felt completley fine so I felt like all this fuss was being made for nothing!.. We arrive at Oldham in no time being in the ambulance and they rush me in to the labour ward and in a special care room. No one really talks to me to ask how I am or to reassure me I just get hooked up to the monitors again and midwives, nurses and doctors all come piling in checking my blood pressure and the baby, doing reflex tests on me and asking me tons of questions and then talking to me about pre-eclampsia. I was classed as having preeclampsia, the thing I was scared of having my whole pregnancy nooooo! And because of this the Doctors talked about a high chance of having a C-section. If I was shaking before, it was even worseeeeee now! Like my whole body was the worst earthquake!
My whole pregnancy had been perfect, no problems whatsoever and so I had these ideas in my head of going into the birthing centre and having a water birth and feeling relaxed but it was the complete opposite of how I wanted. My blood pressure was still pretty high but was reducing slightly, but by this time the baby's movements were starting to reduce and so they really didn't want to leave me any longer. The midwife broke my waters at around 6pm (that was the weirdest feeling) I used the gas and air for that because it was soooo uncomfortable (I LOVE GAS AND AIR.) and the Midwife put me on this hormone drip to try and get the contractions started. She only put a tiny bit of the hormone in though and then they would add more as the night went on. We asked her when she thinks things will start to kick in and she said that we will still be a good few hours and that the baby will probably be here the next day. We also asked if she thought I would have to have a cesarean and she said that it was looking pretty likely because my blood pressure was still crazy high and the baby's movements weren't as often. Boy was she totally wrong!!!
Because we thought we'd still have hours and hours to go, Matthews family came to check I was okay and my Mum and Char came in the room. This was around 8ish. I was totally fine when they arrived and was chatting away with them. Then I started to get little pains, they weren't too bad but I knew they were there. Then they were getting bad that I needed the gas and air. That stuff seriously is amazing but it made me feel soo weird.. Sue said "it's really funny gas and air it makes you feel like your teeth aren't your own" well that was me, I went into a hugeeeee laughing fit. I couldn't stop haha. At 9ish the pains were getting reaaaaaaallllly bad, I could see how high they were getting each time on the monitor and it was awful and they were now getting closer and closer together like I didn't have any time at all in between each one so Matthew asked everyone to leave. I couldn't speak at all to anyone I was too hooked on that gas and air, it worried me though because these pains were getting so bad and the the midwife said I was still going to be hours!! how on earth was I going to cope??? I was definatley up for the epidural if this is what it's like! Then I felt a little pressure to push so the midwife came in and checked me. I was 6cm dilated!! Whaaattt!!! I definatleeyyyyy pushed! Then that was it, at 9.46pm Benjamin was here, the most tiniest, scrumptious little baby! It was all over!
The midwives had to take him away straight away as his heartbeat had dropped and he wasn't doing anything when he came out. They gave him some oxygen and a little massage and then he was crying his little heart out so then they brought him back to me. He was perfect. Maff and had a little cry and just stared at him, he's here and he is ours!! Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment!
Now our little Benjamin Bunny is 5 weeks old.. Whatttttt?!? Time is going crazy fast with him and every day he's looking bigger and bigger. He now weighs 9lb 4oz and so he is doing amazing. He lovesssss to be snuggled. After a feed in the night, I burp him and think he's fast asleep so I put him in his cot but then he starts to have a little whinge because he needs a cuddle first before he sleeps. I LOVEEEE that he is so snuggly. He has also started smiling already!!!! It is just the cutest, although he smiles the most for Maff, boooo!! He absolutley LOVES Matthew to pieces. It's so nice to see them together, there definatley going to be besties. It's hard to get myself in a proper routine right now because I just want to sit and cuddle him all day because I don't want to miss a thing, sometimes I feel so crazy because I just can't leave his side and when I do I feel so lost and miss him like crazy. I just can't believe how unbelievably blessed Maff and I are to have the honour of being a Mummy and Daddy to this amazing little man. It really makes me sad to thing that he's getting so big so fast but we can't wait to see him learning new things, play with toys, have wrestling matches with his Daddy and have his own little personality, We can already tell that he will be such a sweet, kind, caring boy.
Being a Mummy is the best job in the world!